“We don’t ever fall because we’re there to catch each other.”
– Maureen Martinage
Maureen said that one Thursday girls’ night. I don’t even remember which one of us needed support that night, but I do remember her words. And those words pretty much sum up what the four of us have.
And what we have exactly, is a friendship based on trust. Trust is our foundation. So, when my heart was breaking and I needed support, they were there – walking me off the cliff. And I not only knew they would be there but trusted that my private life wouldn’t be tomorrow’s town gossip.
The Good, the Bad & the Ugly.
We share it all: the good, the bad, the ups, the downs, the triumphs and the defeats. As a younger woman, and I speak only for myself, I was very much at ease sharing the good, the ups, and the triumphs, but not the bad, the downs, and the defeats. Because we all want to paint that picture-perfect life, right? Which is so stupid, really, because who doesn’t have tough times? Imperfections? Real life? Honestly – who are we all kidding? I never realized how lonely an existence that was until my friendship with these three women – Darlene, Sarah and Maureen. And I’m here to tell you – that when you start sharing the ugly, the flaws and the defeats, and let yourself be vulnerable, you’ll find, contrary to popular belief, women really can have unconditional love and support for each other. We are proof of that.
Our friendship offers a lot of good times. A lot of laughter and a lot of fun. But between all that, and what cemented our friendship, were the hard times. We started this blog because some friends told us how much they enjoyed our Thursday nights and weekend adventures. But that isn’t always who we are. Because tucked away between all those good times, are some pretty bad times. Some real heartbreak. And hiding the bad times won’t sustain a good friendship. Good friends are made during the good times, yes, but great friends are forged in the sorrow.
So, between us, we have experienced 4 marriages, 2 divorces, 1 re-marriage, all the while raising 9 children – who are all pretty great, but not perfect, mind you. That’s a whole lotta life experience we have shared with each other. I don’t even remember when or how we started getting together on Thursday nights. Darlene and I had been neighbors and friends for years. Darlene became friends with Sarah as their kids were in pre-school together. Fast-forward a few more years and Darlene became friends with Maureen because their daughters were friends in middle-school. And as I write this, I realize we all became friends because of Darlene. And believe me when I tell you that is a miracle in itself. Because she really doesn’t like people . . . or so she says. 😜
So, as I see it, Thursday night girls’ night started as a support group. One of us was going through a tough time and needed the distraction that bellying up to a bar with your besties can provide. And it just continued from there. It is our therapy. We are each other’s safe haven. We are perfectly imperfect and accepting of those imperfections.
I do believe that women can gain strength, wisdom and most of all support from each other. We just have to learn how to let down our guards. Peel back the curtain a little bit, become vulnerable, and trust each other. That means, at the very least, leaving the dishes in the sink and the laundry basket in the living room whenever friends arrive. You’re not fooling anyone with the perfect little life – so why bother trying? It’s such a relief to not have to worry about those things – to know that friendships can be unconditional despite having rolled up socks on the living room floor. Of course I’m speaking metaphorically. Darlene, Maureen, and Sarah know I’m a total neat freak and if I really had dishes in the sink and laundry on the floor, they would immediately know something was very very wrong. 😬
If I only knew in my 30’s what I know now in my 50’s . . .
– Kathleen
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